libido

"you know what
we cant have
a relationship
because your dick
is too small"

thats strange
from 2 women
days apart
id known them
since a decade back
we had never had sex
we had seen
eachother naked
but nothing more
they wanted me to
take the next step
which i didnt do
since im 53% female
they thought i
was an alpha male
never felt like one
no muscles and
a big stomache
so what that
quote did tell me
since before id taken
cocaine on my
40:th birthday
i was evidently
a god of sexuality
how many had
fantasized about
me i dont know
now im only attracted
to japanese women
figure that one out...
and i dont feel like
looking at porn anymore
if you dont jack off
2 times per week
its higher chance to
get prostate cancer
well, ill get that then
im tired of being
controlled by my emotions
im less chaotic now
i dont go on delete
sprees of my own art
i dont throw things away
i dont get randomly
angry at people
i dont flood social media
the cocaine did me good
the psychiatric
staff respect me
since they take
every drug under the sun
before i started with drugs
and then i even
mean coffee and tea
it was hell in closed
psychiatric care
now its a cakewalk
i never got anything
out of women thinking of me
though, for awhile at the job
at lunch time
there was a table for 8
just me, and 7 women who adored me
but ive only slept with 4 women
its good enough for me
im a nun/monk now
its ok how it is
i wouldnt ask for more
i wish you joy love
luck and abundance
its where im headed
i hope to
meet you
there
some day

(no subject)

heeey ^___^ 3 poems before noon. black coffee, oh yeah. and social media gets thumbs down. reading poetry is where its at <3

"did you guys have a relationship?"

I don't know right away
what relationship means
what does love mean?
a kiss?
a hug?
a look?
a smile?
a deep conversation?
intravaginal sex?
to live together?
I did
only with bella
so much bella
and i did
but there was one
internet relationship
at the beginning and end
and most in between
we were just
"together"
4 weeks

oh how

oh how i wish i could rest
oh how i wish i could be awake
now im both
i constantly want to rest
but i cant
i want to write
a lot of things
but social media just
leaves a distaste
in my mouth
same for conspiracy sites
"its all the jews fault"
no its everyones fault
who ate all that at mcdonalds?
who bought all those iphones?
who ordered all that at amazon?
oh how i wish i
could be horny again
oh how i wish i
didnt get so horny
when i do get turned on
oh how i wish i could live
for only posting some emojis
oh how i wish people
really talked to
eachother online
oh how i love all this
music thanks to
youtubes algorithm
oh how i wish i could
make music again
oh how i love making AI art
oh how i long for
photoshopping for
5 hours again
oh how i love all the
authors and poets
on social media
oh how i wish i could
publish my latest book
oh how its been 1½ year
since it was finished
oh how i wish for bella back
oh how i love her so much still
oh how i wish this beautiful
society could go on
oh how i dread agenda 2030
oh how i was stupid to
take 2 corona vaccines
oh how the nanochip
healed me after awhile
oh how i wish i could
fall in love again
oh how i felt
love some day ago
oh but she was married
oh how i wish i didnt ruin my body
oh how i wish i hadnt
wasted my years on computer games
oh how amazing people
i met in runescape
oh how i wish i had
the energy to play MMORPGs again
oh how i long to be
back at fountain house
oh how i miss fountain
houses heart xhyljeta there
oh how i miss so many people
ive met and loved and talked with
oh how i only talk to nurses now
which is near zero conversation
oh how i wish i didnt
have oxytocin defiency
oh how i love my
cold black coffee
oh how i long for the times
when i didnt need
coffee as a painkiller
oh how i also take
12 pills per day
against many ailments
oh how i miss walking in forests
close to the beach
oh how i miss söder and SOFO
oh how i miss people
but they are alive in me
in my writings
oh how i wish i could
write 4 poems a day again
oh how i write much less
oh but maybe its better
oh how its maybe better this way
maybe its better this way
better this way
this way...

(no subject)

against stupidity

even the gods

struggle in vain