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Aug. 4th, 2022 08:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaaso. other people are immortal.
its simple. some dude asked me if i knew what 4 day people were?
well. its easy.
if i do manage to break apart someone.
and. this is the sorts i am proud of.
i managed with dad. and one of my sisters. once.
except, if youve had.. alcohol binge blackouts?
did a lot of drugs? fuck if id know.
you rebirth every 3 days. or after 3 days.
great huh?
not like i can truly change.
i am just myself.
and its not that great.
anyway. being alone. fuck. i recommend it.
you have time to think about things.
like. you dont need any input at all.
you think about things that have happened.
what sort of person you are.
its quite the trip.
no drugs needed.
or anything. really.
so, i heard once that christianity
is thought of as a fake religion.
so. is islam better?
well. i think so.
but. the islamic brotherhood is pissed off at me.
so? are they saints themselves?
al jazeera turns around "jihadism".
and instead calls the western world crusaderism.
no. not really al jazeera. wow. thats an old channel.
i remember it like yesterday. great huh?
i wonder.. how are you supposed to change.
if you dont.. remember things?
wow. so. the psychiatric system is so great.
they treat you like garbage 99% of the time.
then they say something of value. like.
not too often though.
that........ sort of doesnt work.
when theyre just shitholes the rest of the time.
anyway. hard work is bothersome.
because it makes you tired.
and i dont like that.
because im so tired already.
im so old.
anyway. sad smiley.
anyway. theres this oldskool synth i have.
i told miss electro she can come get it.
she wont do that though.
she just wants to act like an angel.
uhm.... she has this flute.
some womansfolk i wrote my first poetry slam piece to.
then i was offline.
then i was online.
and i was feeling SUPER paradoxical.
so i dissed her performance.
her gaze turned icecold.
its not something im proud of.
i cant understand how anyone could like doing that.
except.... if theyre on drugs.
and every "person" (allow me to vomit) does drugs.
its just too tempting. they wanna fit in.
they wanna get laid.
just be everyones whore and
everything will work out just great.
shes one of the first ones.
which asked if i was on facebook?
you see. im never allowed to say no.
being macho doesnt work for me.
since ive tried so hard being a clown.
the problem was. i added her.
and. uh. she never said anything.
and i prefer when people say things.
at least online. its pretty boring otherwise.
i never even got a "like" from her. i think?
so. she liked some poem i wrote?
great. she cant say that though.
thats dangerous.
then like. when she hadnt come to the show for months.
i realized. WOAH. she had a boyfriend.
ok. that explains things.
then she didnt come for more months.
and i asked whats up with that?
they assured me.
that she stays inside when its winter.
so. spring came. she wasnt there.
summer came. she wasnt there.
autumn came. she wasnt there.
and i realized. she wont be there.
anyway. womensfolk are sweet. heartemoji.
ok. because they have hearts.
now. the only time i really talked to my ex sister.
was when she said notnice things. like. a lot.
i figured it was in my best interest.
if i didnt retaliate.
now. im suicidal already. so it doesnt really help.
but she said i was supposed to forget my ex and her family
and everything about them and destroy every artpiece
ive ever made about her. ok? great?
so. i got to know what that was about. recently.
ya see. i bothered someone i barely know.
she said we were in a "relationship" before.
uh. ok? i just remember us hanging out once.
and that was it?
anyway. sidestory.
so. she said my ex mom had said
that i had "stolen" her.
uhm. well. theyre a bunch of weird folks.
i just did what she told me. sort of?
she wanted me to stick around.
so i..... did?
whats the problem with that?
yes. i "dont get enough pussy".
so what?
everyone else seems to get it all the time.
get it on get it on get it on get it on.
ok. some french chick introduced me to them.
sigh. how does it matter.
anyway. not a mad wordologist right now.
not happy. because. uh. should i really say
"the staff"? i guess some peoples dont know
what im talking about? heeeellloooooooo?
is there anyone out there........?
i could make shit up.
and turn it into a better story.
be..... "abstract". YEAH.
woah. thought things. again.
didnt write. how does it matter?
if you "create"...... things?
things already exist.
its impossible to remove things.
now. that douchebag didnt really
want to ruin my day (sure)
uhm. im doing enjambment again.
this is getting long ("huge, almost gigantic")
sorry. its bothersome to scroll through it.
you know. beyond skimming.
just ignoring that shit.
because its FUCKING stupid?
anyway. im a mad wordologist.
she was sweet.
so. i meet strange people.
like this guy. who said he was a former drugdealer.
he had the same avatar. for years and years.
i commented his poems a lot. and some others.
anyway. eventually. he wanted to meet me.
i freaked out. and that was good.
the avatar. was a butterfly. ok? great.......?
i figured out. he must have been. a serial killer.
for real. its fucking creepy.
and i went out of my way to make him..... happy??!?!?!???
anyway. if you go to some site.
and someone notices you directly? great.
except, if youre noticing something is weird.
register on that site again, in a new name.
you might notice...... its the same people again.
who bother you. i refer to the them as
"the welcome commitee"
theyre like hostesses. in reverse.
they pretend they like you
and are nice people.
but...... theyre desparate.
desparate people do strange things.
like...... kill people.
anyway. hes not on the site anymore.
maybe? or hes just more subversive.
no. i think he quit.
i hope youre doing alright
serialkilling people, buddy!
because, when i looked up that douche.
which i made a really odd disstrack about.
i noticed he dissed a guy.
that guy was THAT guy.
i dont remember his other nickname.
it doesnt matter.
im happy hes gone.
because that site IS weird.
but its not a conglomerate.
it still has a community.
if the community is good
or bad doesnt really matter.
you dont just get lost in the crowd.
oh. anyway. the brotherhood. i forgot.
la di da. maybe i should
watch youtube or something.
toodles. etc.
as for that freaks butterfly avatar.
it all makes sense now.
now, again. i dont know any slang variety.
aaaaaand..... since we have this global thing.
all slang mixes together. its all a big mess.
but. it makes sense.
theres a special sort of knife outlawed in sweden.
its called....... dum di dum..... a butterfly.
fjäril.
because...... i guess the story goes.
that its like a butterfly.
so, someone is pissed off at you.
one of the last words you hear.
is......
"youll live one day"
because.... you get a butterfly.
in your stomache.
because, maybe you just liked
some gang leaders girlfriend.
she gave you......
"butterflies" in the stomache.
now, subversiveness like that is great.
like.... a russian lullaby.
so, i wanted to know what that was called
in russian? i couldnt find it online.
no illustrations. well, that was good.
i was weird before. not like its better now.
so. i meet this weird russian guy.
who doesnt like the internet.
not computers.
not technology.
not machines.
so. obviously. he didnt like me. a lot.
he thought i was a russian mafia boss.
i mean. it makes sense. i was fat as fuck.
and id dyed my hair. for the first time ever.
it looked pretty. for one day. fluffy.
and such. you know? uh. its my avatar after all.
except, i dont really like it anymore.
i look pale as fuck. and i mean. beyond that.
i look blue? you could say.
like..... oxygen deficiency.
a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
i guess i could look that up.
im guessing it wont lead to a good rabbit hole.
anyway! ^______^
guess what? no? guess!! ^_^
i met someone like me! omg!
twinflame? likeminded?
NO. big fucking NO.
he freaked me out.
more than that other guy.
gee. it just gets better and better huh?
so. i was looking for info on a subject.
ok. ill mention it. so you think that im a freak as well
(i mean. ive been called that. once. it wasnt fun)
uh. what was it? lesse.. . . . . .. . .. ... . . . .
uhm...... the uncanny valley.
so i found a vid which had a good perspective on it.
then the algorithm recommended something else by him?
great. except, he was acting weird.
THEN. motherfucking THEN.
he had dressed up like a fucking CLOWN???????
and. it was just fucked up beyond words.
and i checked the comments.
heaven help me.
and it was all these freaks......
acting like..... freaks.
except, not normal freaks.
normie freaks.
anyway.
jag har ljugit många gånger i mina låtar.
you can googleboogle on that. and. uhm.
you might find the most amazing song.
the most beautiful ballad ever made.
i really shouldnt use made up slang.
because it REALLY means something in slang.
and since im in negative polarity.
its like....... really not a good idea.
so. the psychiatric once asked me.
in a condescending mocking tone.
"do you think youre jesus?"
i dunno if they actually said that to me.
or someone else.
i figured they were just being mean.
but..... bullies are great like that.
they pick you apart.
and they laugh with their fuckbuddies.
and they smoke. etc. and they feel cool.
and. youre just left there. in the middle.
outside of their clique.
they just say some things
every now and then. and they ruin you.
and your few friends? well. tough luck.
they wont like you either.
since youre now supercharged with darkness.
anyway. hyperlinks are overrated.
i tried them. but it doesnt work for me.
soooooo. it has come to my attention.
that i write........
like someone thats high up both
metaaamphetamine. and this synthesized form
of the active substance in cacao.
its called phenymethylamine.
the synthesized version
has the cute easy to remember
slang name. for braindead junkies.
fentanyl. well. thats swedish i guess?
is it phentanyl in english?
no. its fentanyl in english too.
great.
anyway. i like writing.
i dunno if its any point to it.
i dont like writing to other people.
i dont like "amusing" them.
i dont like being other peoples "clown".
anyway. i used to do this thing
refered to as IRL (wtf?!?!?!??!?!?!????)
im tired of that.
it has nothing to do with living at home
(mom, die, please. no, wait. dont do that)
or being in a basement which doesnt exist.
its because i had this other weird concept.
called "relationship". ok. we fucked.
i dont really care. she wasnt good in bed.
she was fucked up beyond repair.
once we fucked for 5 hours. straight.
like her. anyway. i could go into specifics.
but im beyond that. you know?
being........ on topic?
overrated. etc. i dont know slang.
so i shouldnt pretend like i do.
so. there was this womansfolk.
who liked to play the ukulele.
i mean, i guess she did it as a joke?
at least, thats what guys
she hung around with thought.
i am not like other guys.
i told that to someone once.
she didnt care.
so i wont bother anymore.
anyway, the particular thing of the ukulele.
its not a lot of strings.
except, after the darkest string.
comes a bright string again.
so it has a particular. unique sound.
maybe its from... wherever.
some small cute indigenous island.
dont care.
anyway. the day was over.
we were gonna go home.
she grabbed her ukulele.
we were heading out of there.
and i asked if i could play it?
i mean, i cant play.
but i did a chord with one finger.
and i said
"oh...... the last chord is light?"
she seemed impressed.
that i didnt just put her down.
anyway.
this other time.
it was her. me. and some other dude.
he was married. they were gonna drink.
lots. then screw. great for them.
so they didnt want me around.
wow. lies. great.
except, it khemet. that wasnt allowed.
europeans. are from khemet.
northern europeans, even more.
because khemets had red hair.
fair skin. blue eyes. and freckles.
like me. almost.
except, every normie says i have blue eyes.
great for them. i guess theyre
trying to tell me something?
i once asked the sweetest of the sweetest.
what hair colour i had.
she said...........
"its some hazel, some blonde, some red"
and this was the best part........ ^_^
"and some gold"
now. another one. she was sadistic.
basically. quite a normie normie.
except, she didnt like the normie place
i hung out at.
like. this chick. out of the blue.
started talking to her in english?
that was her greeting phrase.
like. what the fuck?
now, some dumb american
(have almost none here. its great.
not a lot of britons either.
fuck off. go to your
home countries. niggers)
i forgot. anyway.
what to do today?
oh. right. get a haircut.
i guess it will be the same story today.
and every day afterwards.
the hair cutting place hates me.
i guess.
it used to cost 100 sek to get a shave.
which is all i do.
the cyberpunk haircut.
the horse haircut.
i mean, it fits.
i have a "hung" tatu.
in the ancient croatian
writing language.
im proud of that.
maybe.
it just appeared one day.
i wasnt high.
because..... i dont get high.
its just how it works.
i heard that its a "brave" haircut.
uh. why? i just got it.
whats brave about that?
i never think of
doing something.
i just do it.
this swedish musician covered
one of her songs. in. uh. swedish.
he didnt mention it.
because hes from the punk movement.
postpunk. etc.
i think ill listen to it.
its real good.
anyway. if you dont know slang.
and you hear a slang word.
dont ask people what it means.
dont look up the definition online.
youre better without.
anyway. i thought things.
i last one i remember.
this chick quoted this really shitty sellout.
and it pissed me off a lot.
she said
"vikken då?" with lots of smileys afterwards.
i guess?
now. its really hard to understand what just
one slang word means.
because as for definitions?
the skys the limit.
anyway. looked it up now.
heres the results.
Blåsjobb
Avsugning
Kommer från engelskans Blowjob.
- fan vikket blåsjobb jag fick av henne elle?
- ah, hon e en riktigt go guzz.
Doja
Sko
Kan även stavas dojja
"Undrar vikka dojor jag ska ha ikväll"
"Har du sett min andra dojja?"
anyway. im dumb. because. uh. im a guy?
so i was horny.
guys get dumb when theyre horny.
so. i ask her. if i can get a more
intimate depiction of her?
bad idea.
she sends me her toe.
which had some infection.
ok. i get it. she has STDs?
great for her.
anyway. she was together with this mean guy.
i guess? and wanted to trade him?
well. they all do. except for 1%.
shed usually message me. late at night.
great for her. when i wank. i cum.
and thats it. nothing else happens.
except, when i do wank. its like
the greatest thing ever.
afterwards, everything sucks.
i never get that part.
i guess its inherent.
or not.
anyway.
she didnt bother me often.
i guess thats because she shifted
through her fuckbuddies?
great. i got tired
of that practice
and thats the reason i met my ex.
and shes my ex now. and thats it.
wow. he looks fucking atrocious nowadays.
i cant really place it.
he looks emaciated. but still not.
i guess its metaamphetamine. like the rest.
hes standing in front of 2 radiators.
great for him.
and its this motherfucking
disgusting green tone to it.
anyway. shouldnt be angry.
i cant handle anything anymore.
my neck doesnt hurt. thats major.
dont use a pillow. its easy.
make a decision. stick to it.
and youll notice. if you really
really want to do something.
it just happens. it flows.
thats the ultimate theory.
vortex theory.
its about liquid harmonics.
no. the world isnt atoms.
its not quarks.
its not the god particle.
its not music
its water.
simple.
aaaaaaaand then.....
theres a thing beyond that.
its that..... the world we live in.
is a fucking simulation.
computer simulation.
i mean, it seems hard to comprehend.
EVERYTHING is god damn MADE UP???
DUDE. theyre.. really good...
at fooling people?
animals dont care.
if they exist.
or theyre just surveillance equipment.
at least doves. stay away from doves.
dont feed the doves. DONT FEED THE DOVES.
so. its great. i realized myself.
if i get angry. i get it.
if i get suicidal. i get it.
and i stop it.
so i didnt delete things the other day.
well. i did. but not accounts.
thats not a good idea.
fluctuations in the spacetime continuum.
just...... dont do it.
anyway. stuck here. should really do something.
like...... get a haircut.
cyberpunk haircut. they are neat.
so. why should you care about sound quality?
i mean, all these faggots with gold cords
that cost millions? i mean. theyre just dumb.
and vain. and dumb. really really dumb.
except.... you could look at a painting.
as a tiny jpg thumbnail.
or you could look at it for real.
notice the difference?
for once. painters dont
use red green or blue
or cyan magenta yellow.
not even red blue yellow.
nope.
if you go into a paint store.
youll find all these
really weird colours.
like..... uh... cobalt?
and. such.
and..... theyre really strong.
in weird shades.
if youre used to a copy machines 4 inks.
youll be blown away.
you should be blown away.
because theres a lot more to the world.
the english original.
is called.
you had time.
anyway. the cover.
i have tatud. on my ribs.
actually. no. the ribs have the wing.
mr tatu saved that for last.
im ashamed of it.
if you got to amateurs.
they just fucking google the shit.
i mean, the time i went there.
i was really happy and hopeful and such.
and i told him this vision i had last night.
and i said "you have free hands"
"when should i come back?"
he said it would take all day.
oooooooooook.
and then... he started googling.
i was still happy.
its a fucking joke.
the quote might be nice.
but its not really eligable.
they should only use 1 needle.
not fill in lines.
fuck. find one that does it freehand.
etc.
what to do?
dont wanna do art. because i feel like shit then.
and everyone.... uh..... im connected to?
feels like shit then as well.
but..... thats what happens when you work.
if youre inherently happy.
if you have no traumas.
if youre a junkie.
if youre a liar.
if youre a motherfucking christian.
maybe it works.
no, it doesnt.
because your art music poetry whatever.
is a god damn joke.
once in awhile. you might be
in the zone?
and create something of value.
but really. man? woman? loser? whatever?
dont fucking do it.
dont pretend like youre an "artist"
that you have talent.
no, you have someone elses spirit inside.
and that spirit is fucking mad at you.
at the world.
and it just turns you into an asshole.
a shithole. your life is ..... uh....
ran out of curse words.
i am fucking mad at everything.
this is because im listening to music.
at a low level. on shitty laptop speakers.
on a shitty laptop. and everything is shit.
and i should really hate everything
and myself more, by making shitty art.
except, when it sucks, i realize it sucks.
im not in the zone anymore.
woah. its... somewhat warm.
did i shower already?
cant remember.
oh. my hair is wet.
it still feels the same.
oh. was gonna wash a dress.
by hand. it wont happen.
i guess ill wait until some douchebags
berate me even more.
you know when its a bad idea
to be white trash
when random people you go past
spit in your vicinity.
then..... youre in trouble.
so you get fresh clothes.
and..... its ok again.
wow. so tired.
"your jizz is like your life energy"
ok. great. i dont get it on.
so i get it on with myself.
its no big deal.
so. if youre logged into google.
and search on anyone you know
or know of.
and add site:.cfd
really weird things will happen.
one of the top results
will be their deep data profile.
i mean, you might find a lot.
so i tried it on this knifesouth babe.
uh. so. i didnt have toiletpaper.
i peed. and that was it.
i figured people would find me disgusting?
then she bothered me. it was good.
then i looked her up. well. wouldnt you know.
one of the first result words.
were like...... pee fetichist? pee queen?
something like that.
i mean, it makes sense.
should get a google account.
gawd, so tired.
can someone acknowledge my existance?
pretty please?
brb. heart emoji.
its simple. some dude asked me if i knew what 4 day people were?
well. its easy.
if i do manage to break apart someone.
and. this is the sorts i am proud of.
i managed with dad. and one of my sisters. once.
except, if youve had.. alcohol binge blackouts?
did a lot of drugs? fuck if id know.
you rebirth every 3 days. or after 3 days.
great huh?
not like i can truly change.
i am just myself.
and its not that great.
anyway. being alone. fuck. i recommend it.
you have time to think about things.
like. you dont need any input at all.
you think about things that have happened.
what sort of person you are.
its quite the trip.
no drugs needed.
or anything. really.
so, i heard once that christianity
is thought of as a fake religion.
so. is islam better?
well. i think so.
but. the islamic brotherhood is pissed off at me.
so? are they saints themselves?
al jazeera turns around "jihadism".
and instead calls the western world crusaderism.
no. not really al jazeera. wow. thats an old channel.
i remember it like yesterday. great huh?
i wonder.. how are you supposed to change.
if you dont.. remember things?
wow. so. the psychiatric system is so great.
they treat you like garbage 99% of the time.
then they say something of value. like.
not too often though.
that........ sort of doesnt work.
when theyre just shitholes the rest of the time.
anyway. hard work is bothersome.
because it makes you tired.
and i dont like that.
because im so tired already.
im so old.
anyway. sad smiley.
anyway. theres this oldskool synth i have.
i told miss electro she can come get it.
she wont do that though.
she just wants to act like an angel.
uhm.... she has this flute.
some womansfolk i wrote my first poetry slam piece to.
then i was offline.
then i was online.
and i was feeling SUPER paradoxical.
so i dissed her performance.
her gaze turned icecold.
its not something im proud of.
i cant understand how anyone could like doing that.
except.... if theyre on drugs.
and every "person" (allow me to vomit) does drugs.
its just too tempting. they wanna fit in.
they wanna get laid.
just be everyones whore and
everything will work out just great.
shes one of the first ones.
which asked if i was on facebook?
you see. im never allowed to say no.
being macho doesnt work for me.
since ive tried so hard being a clown.
the problem was. i added her.
and. uh. she never said anything.
and i prefer when people say things.
at least online. its pretty boring otherwise.
i never even got a "like" from her. i think?
so. she liked some poem i wrote?
great. she cant say that though.
thats dangerous.
then like. when she hadnt come to the show for months.
i realized. WOAH. she had a boyfriend.
ok. that explains things.
then she didnt come for more months.
and i asked whats up with that?
they assured me.
that she stays inside when its winter.
so. spring came. she wasnt there.
summer came. she wasnt there.
autumn came. she wasnt there.
and i realized. she wont be there.
anyway. womensfolk are sweet. heartemoji.
ok. because they have hearts.
now. the only time i really talked to my ex sister.
was when she said notnice things. like. a lot.
i figured it was in my best interest.
if i didnt retaliate.
now. im suicidal already. so it doesnt really help.
but she said i was supposed to forget my ex and her family
and everything about them and destroy every artpiece
ive ever made about her. ok? great?
so. i got to know what that was about. recently.
ya see. i bothered someone i barely know.
she said we were in a "relationship" before.
uh. ok? i just remember us hanging out once.
and that was it?
anyway. sidestory.
so. she said my ex mom had said
that i had "stolen" her.
uhm. well. theyre a bunch of weird folks.
i just did what she told me. sort of?
she wanted me to stick around.
so i..... did?
whats the problem with that?
yes. i "dont get enough pussy".
so what?
everyone else seems to get it all the time.
get it on get it on get it on get it on.
ok. some french chick introduced me to them.
sigh. how does it matter.
anyway. not a mad wordologist right now.
not happy. because. uh. should i really say
"the staff"? i guess some peoples dont know
what im talking about? heeeellloooooooo?
is there anyone out there........?
i could make shit up.
and turn it into a better story.
be..... "abstract". YEAH.
woah. thought things. again.
didnt write. how does it matter?
if you "create"...... things?
things already exist.
its impossible to remove things.
now. that douchebag didnt really
want to ruin my day (sure)
uhm. im doing enjambment again.
this is getting long ("huge, almost gigantic")
sorry. its bothersome to scroll through it.
you know. beyond skimming.
just ignoring that shit.
because its FUCKING stupid?
anyway. im a mad wordologist.
she was sweet.
so. i meet strange people.
like this guy. who said he was a former drugdealer.
he had the same avatar. for years and years.
i commented his poems a lot. and some others.
anyway. eventually. he wanted to meet me.
i freaked out. and that was good.
the avatar. was a butterfly. ok? great.......?
i figured out. he must have been. a serial killer.
for real. its fucking creepy.
and i went out of my way to make him..... happy??!?!?!???
anyway. if you go to some site.
and someone notices you directly? great.
except, if youre noticing something is weird.
register on that site again, in a new name.
you might notice...... its the same people again.
who bother you. i refer to the them as
"the welcome commitee"
theyre like hostesses. in reverse.
they pretend they like you
and are nice people.
but...... theyre desparate.
desparate people do strange things.
like...... kill people.
anyway. hes not on the site anymore.
maybe? or hes just more subversive.
no. i think he quit.
i hope youre doing alright
serialkilling people, buddy!
because, when i looked up that douche.
which i made a really odd disstrack about.
i noticed he dissed a guy.
that guy was THAT guy.
i dont remember his other nickname.
it doesnt matter.
im happy hes gone.
because that site IS weird.
but its not a conglomerate.
it still has a community.
if the community is good
or bad doesnt really matter.
you dont just get lost in the crowd.
oh. anyway. the brotherhood. i forgot.
la di da. maybe i should
watch youtube or something.
toodles. etc.
as for that freaks butterfly avatar.
it all makes sense now.
now, again. i dont know any slang variety.
aaaaaand..... since we have this global thing.
all slang mixes together. its all a big mess.
but. it makes sense.
theres a special sort of knife outlawed in sweden.
its called....... dum di dum..... a butterfly.
fjäril.
because...... i guess the story goes.
that its like a butterfly.
so, someone is pissed off at you.
one of the last words you hear.
is......
"youll live one day"
because.... you get a butterfly.
in your stomache.
because, maybe you just liked
some gang leaders girlfriend.
she gave you......
"butterflies" in the stomache.
now, subversiveness like that is great.
like.... a russian lullaby.
so, i wanted to know what that was called
in russian? i couldnt find it online.
no illustrations. well, that was good.
i was weird before. not like its better now.
so. i meet this weird russian guy.
who doesnt like the internet.
not computers.
not technology.
not machines.
so. obviously. he didnt like me. a lot.
he thought i was a russian mafia boss.
i mean. it makes sense. i was fat as fuck.
and id dyed my hair. for the first time ever.
it looked pretty. for one day. fluffy.
and such. you know? uh. its my avatar after all.
except, i dont really like it anymore.
i look pale as fuck. and i mean. beyond that.
i look blue? you could say.
like..... oxygen deficiency.
a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
i guess i could look that up.
im guessing it wont lead to a good rabbit hole.
anyway! ^______^
guess what? no? guess!! ^_^
i met someone like me! omg!
twinflame? likeminded?
NO. big fucking NO.
he freaked me out.
more than that other guy.
gee. it just gets better and better huh?
so. i was looking for info on a subject.
ok. ill mention it. so you think that im a freak as well
(i mean. ive been called that. once. it wasnt fun)
uh. what was it? lesse.. . . . . .. . .. ... . . . .
uhm...... the uncanny valley.
so i found a vid which had a good perspective on it.
then the algorithm recommended something else by him?
great. except, he was acting weird.
THEN. motherfucking THEN.
he had dressed up like a fucking CLOWN???????
and. it was just fucked up beyond words.
and i checked the comments.
heaven help me.
and it was all these freaks......
acting like..... freaks.
except, not normal freaks.
normie freaks.
anyway.
jag har ljugit många gånger i mina låtar.
you can googleboogle on that. and. uhm.
you might find the most amazing song.
the most beautiful ballad ever made.
i really shouldnt use made up slang.
because it REALLY means something in slang.
and since im in negative polarity.
its like....... really not a good idea.
so. the psychiatric once asked me.
in a condescending mocking tone.
"do you think youre jesus?"
i dunno if they actually said that to me.
or someone else.
i figured they were just being mean.
but..... bullies are great like that.
they pick you apart.
and they laugh with their fuckbuddies.
and they smoke. etc. and they feel cool.
and. youre just left there. in the middle.
outside of their clique.
they just say some things
every now and then. and they ruin you.
and your few friends? well. tough luck.
they wont like you either.
since youre now supercharged with darkness.
anyway. hyperlinks are overrated.
i tried them. but it doesnt work for me.
soooooo. it has come to my attention.
that i write........
like someone thats high up both
metaaamphetamine. and this synthesized form
of the active substance in cacao.
its called phenymethylamine.
the synthesized version
has the cute easy to remember
slang name. for braindead junkies.
fentanyl. well. thats swedish i guess?
is it phentanyl in english?
no. its fentanyl in english too.
great.
anyway. i like writing.
i dunno if its any point to it.
i dont like writing to other people.
i dont like "amusing" them.
i dont like being other peoples "clown".
anyway. i used to do this thing
refered to as IRL (wtf?!?!?!??!?!?!????)
im tired of that.
it has nothing to do with living at home
(mom, die, please. no, wait. dont do that)
or being in a basement which doesnt exist.
its because i had this other weird concept.
called "relationship". ok. we fucked.
i dont really care. she wasnt good in bed.
she was fucked up beyond repair.
once we fucked for 5 hours. straight.
like her. anyway. i could go into specifics.
but im beyond that. you know?
being........ on topic?
overrated. etc. i dont know slang.
so i shouldnt pretend like i do.
so. there was this womansfolk.
who liked to play the ukulele.
i mean, i guess she did it as a joke?
at least, thats what guys
she hung around with thought.
i am not like other guys.
i told that to someone once.
she didnt care.
so i wont bother anymore.
anyway, the particular thing of the ukulele.
its not a lot of strings.
except, after the darkest string.
comes a bright string again.
so it has a particular. unique sound.
maybe its from... wherever.
some small cute indigenous island.
dont care.
anyway. the day was over.
we were gonna go home.
she grabbed her ukulele.
we were heading out of there.
and i asked if i could play it?
i mean, i cant play.
but i did a chord with one finger.
and i said
"oh...... the last chord is light?"
she seemed impressed.
that i didnt just put her down.
anyway.
this other time.
it was her. me. and some other dude.
he was married. they were gonna drink.
lots. then screw. great for them.
so they didnt want me around.
wow. lies. great.
except, it khemet. that wasnt allowed.
europeans. are from khemet.
northern europeans, even more.
because khemets had red hair.
fair skin. blue eyes. and freckles.
like me. almost.
except, every normie says i have blue eyes.
great for them. i guess theyre
trying to tell me something?
i once asked the sweetest of the sweetest.
what hair colour i had.
she said...........
"its some hazel, some blonde, some red"
and this was the best part........ ^_^
"and some gold"
now. another one. she was sadistic.
basically. quite a normie normie.
except, she didnt like the normie place
i hung out at.
like. this chick. out of the blue.
started talking to her in english?
that was her greeting phrase.
like. what the fuck?
now, some dumb american
(have almost none here. its great.
not a lot of britons either.
fuck off. go to your
home countries. niggers)
i forgot. anyway.
what to do today?
oh. right. get a haircut.
i guess it will be the same story today.
and every day afterwards.
the hair cutting place hates me.
i guess.
it used to cost 100 sek to get a shave.
which is all i do.
the cyberpunk haircut.
the horse haircut.
i mean, it fits.
i have a "hung" tatu.
in the ancient croatian
writing language.
im proud of that.
maybe.
it just appeared one day.
i wasnt high.
because..... i dont get high.
its just how it works.
i heard that its a "brave" haircut.
uh. why? i just got it.
whats brave about that?
i never think of
doing something.
i just do it.
this swedish musician covered
one of her songs. in. uh. swedish.
he didnt mention it.
because hes from the punk movement.
postpunk. etc.
i think ill listen to it.
its real good.
anyway. if you dont know slang.
and you hear a slang word.
dont ask people what it means.
dont look up the definition online.
youre better without.
anyway. i thought things.
i last one i remember.
this chick quoted this really shitty sellout.
and it pissed me off a lot.
she said
"vikken då?" with lots of smileys afterwards.
i guess?
now. its really hard to understand what just
one slang word means.
because as for definitions?
the skys the limit.
anyway. looked it up now.
heres the results.
Blåsjobb
Avsugning
Kommer från engelskans Blowjob.
- fan vikket blåsjobb jag fick av henne elle?
- ah, hon e en riktigt go guzz.
Doja
Sko
Kan även stavas dojja
"Undrar vikka dojor jag ska ha ikväll"
"Har du sett min andra dojja?"
anyway. im dumb. because. uh. im a guy?
so i was horny.
guys get dumb when theyre horny.
so. i ask her. if i can get a more
intimate depiction of her?
bad idea.
she sends me her toe.
which had some infection.
ok. i get it. she has STDs?
great for her.
anyway. she was together with this mean guy.
i guess? and wanted to trade him?
well. they all do. except for 1%.
shed usually message me. late at night.
great for her. when i wank. i cum.
and thats it. nothing else happens.
except, when i do wank. its like
the greatest thing ever.
afterwards, everything sucks.
i never get that part.
i guess its inherent.
or not.
anyway.
she didnt bother me often.
i guess thats because she shifted
through her fuckbuddies?
great. i got tired
of that practice
and thats the reason i met my ex.
and shes my ex now. and thats it.
wow. he looks fucking atrocious nowadays.
i cant really place it.
he looks emaciated. but still not.
i guess its metaamphetamine. like the rest.
hes standing in front of 2 radiators.
great for him.
and its this motherfucking
disgusting green tone to it.
anyway. shouldnt be angry.
i cant handle anything anymore.
my neck doesnt hurt. thats major.
dont use a pillow. its easy.
make a decision. stick to it.
and youll notice. if you really
really want to do something.
it just happens. it flows.
thats the ultimate theory.
vortex theory.
its about liquid harmonics.
no. the world isnt atoms.
its not quarks.
its not the god particle.
its not music
its water.
simple.
aaaaaaaand then.....
theres a thing beyond that.
its that..... the world we live in.
is a fucking simulation.
computer simulation.
i mean, it seems hard to comprehend.
EVERYTHING is god damn MADE UP???
DUDE. theyre.. really good...
at fooling people?
animals dont care.
if they exist.
or theyre just surveillance equipment.
at least doves. stay away from doves.
dont feed the doves. DONT FEED THE DOVES.
so. its great. i realized myself.
if i get angry. i get it.
if i get suicidal. i get it.
and i stop it.
so i didnt delete things the other day.
well. i did. but not accounts.
thats not a good idea.
fluctuations in the spacetime continuum.
just...... dont do it.
anyway. stuck here. should really do something.
like...... get a haircut.
cyberpunk haircut. they are neat.
so. why should you care about sound quality?
i mean, all these faggots with gold cords
that cost millions? i mean. theyre just dumb.
and vain. and dumb. really really dumb.
except.... you could look at a painting.
as a tiny jpg thumbnail.
or you could look at it for real.
notice the difference?
for once. painters dont
use red green or blue
or cyan magenta yellow.
not even red blue yellow.
nope.
if you go into a paint store.
youll find all these
really weird colours.
like..... uh... cobalt?
and. such.
and..... theyre really strong.
in weird shades.
if youre used to a copy machines 4 inks.
youll be blown away.
you should be blown away.
because theres a lot more to the world.
the english original.
is called.
you had time.
anyway. the cover.
i have tatud. on my ribs.
actually. no. the ribs have the wing.
mr tatu saved that for last.
im ashamed of it.
if you got to amateurs.
they just fucking google the shit.
i mean, the time i went there.
i was really happy and hopeful and such.
and i told him this vision i had last night.
and i said "you have free hands"
"when should i come back?"
he said it would take all day.
oooooooooook.
and then... he started googling.
i was still happy.
its a fucking joke.
the quote might be nice.
but its not really eligable.
they should only use 1 needle.
not fill in lines.
fuck. find one that does it freehand.
etc.
what to do?
dont wanna do art. because i feel like shit then.
and everyone.... uh..... im connected to?
feels like shit then as well.
but..... thats what happens when you work.
if youre inherently happy.
if you have no traumas.
if youre a junkie.
if youre a liar.
if youre a motherfucking christian.
maybe it works.
no, it doesnt.
because your art music poetry whatever.
is a god damn joke.
once in awhile. you might be
in the zone?
and create something of value.
but really. man? woman? loser? whatever?
dont fucking do it.
dont pretend like youre an "artist"
that you have talent.
no, you have someone elses spirit inside.
and that spirit is fucking mad at you.
at the world.
and it just turns you into an asshole.
a shithole. your life is ..... uh....
ran out of curse words.
i am fucking mad at everything.
this is because im listening to music.
at a low level. on shitty laptop speakers.
on a shitty laptop. and everything is shit.
and i should really hate everything
and myself more, by making shitty art.
except, when it sucks, i realize it sucks.
im not in the zone anymore.
woah. its... somewhat warm.
did i shower already?
cant remember.
oh. my hair is wet.
it still feels the same.
oh. was gonna wash a dress.
by hand. it wont happen.
i guess ill wait until some douchebags
berate me even more.
you know when its a bad idea
to be white trash
when random people you go past
spit in your vicinity.
then..... youre in trouble.
so you get fresh clothes.
and..... its ok again.
wow. so tired.
"your jizz is like your life energy"
ok. great. i dont get it on.
so i get it on with myself.
its no big deal.
so. if youre logged into google.
and search on anyone you know
or know of.
and add site:.cfd
really weird things will happen.
one of the top results
will be their deep data profile.
i mean, you might find a lot.
so i tried it on this knifesouth babe.
uh. so. i didnt have toiletpaper.
i peed. and that was it.
i figured people would find me disgusting?
then she bothered me. it was good.
then i looked her up. well. wouldnt you know.
one of the first result words.
were like...... pee fetichist? pee queen?
something like that.
i mean, it makes sense.
should get a google account.
gawd, so tired.
can someone acknowledge my existance?
pretty please?
brb. heart emoji.
