(no subject)

yesterday

i dont long for yesterday
and not tomorrow
to think that "here and now"
pissed me off so much before
its simple, im always here
and im always now
i dont look back to better days
because today right now is the best
i dont long for tomorrow and hate today
i live just however i live
and yesterday was an entire week
to think of how many poems i wrote
and all the people i talked to online
at this rate im 300 years old by now
with how much ive achieved
all the peoples lives ive touched
everything is just wonderful

(no subject)

as soon as you start thinking
of your life as a 24h clock

you realize you got to enjoy
every day because
it moves so fast

you find energy to live
and make the best out
of the time you got left

(no subject)

the story of the second time i made love to maggie

so i figured i should make myself pretty
so i showered off the gunk
then lathered myself from head to toe
even between the toes
then i put coconut oil in my hair
and put it in a tiny tiny horsetail
and put on some proper clothes
not dresses
my black puma pants
they look soooo good
and my only band t shirt
queens of the stone age
and my blue nikes
then i fried some hamburgers
put some lettuce in the bread
and the most important ingredient
mango chutney
its just sooo tasty
i didnt know if shed like it
but you gotta experiment
to my surprise
she wasnt at home
i figured id just wait
then lo
5 mins later
maggie the queen of
lots of things arrived
i remembered now
id given her 500 kronor
to buy stockings
she put em on
they were sand coloured
but not the ordinary yellowish sand
but falsterbo sand
like only a slight brown shade
and she put on a
fluffy white jacket too
she looked just soooo good
and she ate the whole hamburger
i could only stomache 1/3
ya see
id made em myself from mince
they took up half the frying pan
needed some finesse in flipping
and with my mums teacookies
tekakor
they have liqourice spice in em
so tasty
the first thing i said
when i entered her apartment was
it smells like corpse in here
it does that from neuroleptics
she was lying in bed
surfing on her smartphone
and late at night
she said
you smell like fungus
like a chinese restaurant
in a real sweet voice
i kissed her
and we started to make love
the rest i wont write
because it just got
so nasty in my mind
when i wrote this story
in my head yesternight
and im in a calmer mood now
i hope you enjoyed
all the best wishes
and that you find someone
who loves you
who wants to make love to you
the way lovers do
soft and gentle
that you find someone
who cares for who
who gives you presents
if its only some sweet words
like mine now
this is my
gift to you

(no subject)

i dont understand how
stupid people survive
like my dad
above 60 years of age
comes out and says
"caviar tastes so good
when youve brushed your teeth"
with a huge smile on his face
i say
"its because of the mint
mom used to have it that
wat when she was yo-"
dad rules over that with
"no its the toothpaste"
......i just dont get it

(no subject)

self confidence is the opposite of egoism

the rich ones
they just live for the high
they just live for the money
they live for the things
they just live for the pussy
they dont love like us casual people do
i dont envy them
i envy normal people
i envy parents
i envy people with normal jobs
because they can teach you so much
we live in a strange world
still
if you wanted to
become a millionaire
youd be buying
lottery tickets
so the people at the top
are good at doing things
but i dont envy them
i envy my momy
i envy my dad
i envy my sisters
i wish i could
have their lives
lived through
their eyes
for a day
but im just a lonesome taurus
just a pained pisces in the moon
and i like it that way
my trials are gruesome
but i still think
i have it better
than most people
because i dont take
a lot of drugs
or alcohol or cigs
its ok the way it is
the millionaires
can have their highs
they can have their money
they can have their things
they can have their pussy
im ok with not that much
i dont envy them
i envy people who are
better artists than me
their creativity
what they create
from nothing
from their dreams
i used to do that
but now im down to earth
and i like it that way
i dont like drug visions
but i love dreaming
and i dream every night now
wake up as a new person
only shower late at night
as the saying goes....
CORPUS CHRISTI
ALONE BEWARE AURORA
DOMINI SANCTUM

(no subject)

it is the artists mission
to name the unnameable

i have heard somewhere
and also that

an artist sees
what is right in
front of peoples eyes
but that they
dont care about

and thus something
ive never heard foretold
nausea

this is a few stories
first
i think we all have
memories as kids
of eating too much
candy and barfing
i can only remember once
was at my birthday party
when i was a few years

then
i did my own soda
what they dont tell you
is that they put an
alcalic agent in it
for commercial soda
and mom had made lasagna
and i just ate more and more
what happened then
as i dont clean my hands a lot
i got kräksjukan
the vomiting illness
it ran from every hole...
and this was the day
i was supposed to finally
move out from my parents

then
fast forward to 2019
i had started with drugs
thanks to bellas sister
tessans "help"
i did it nice and easy then
rubbing alcohol, i sniffed it
came to another reality
and ATE insta-coffee powder
smoked some

and then one day
i have to suit myself
you see
i had gotten acid reflux
a few times over the month
i figured
hey
it will pass

well
one day
i woke up
and i couldnt breath
ive later heard that
my head turns blue then
i pissed myself
and vomited
trying to reach for
the window and opening it
my kind and
understanding mother
gave me a new bed
and i got better
but not perfect

later
i was punished with anthistamines
for something ill talk of sometimes
i got nightmares in broad daylight
but i spat em out quickly
and that was that
what happened though
is that my nausea turned better
and also my body
ya see
i have fibromyalgia
which ive talked about some before
and the antihistamines healed it

later
id sniff rubbing alcohol yet again
i felt so good from it
cant remember in what way
but i thought it was good for me
what that happened to transcribe
is that i ruined my liver with it

but that was the best thing
that could happen to me
again
id get a slight vomiting
sensation when waking up

but you see
id used to eat tons of junkfood
so only because of the liver
i started eating more healthy
eggs eggs and more eggs
in many ways to cook
and i also made mincemeat
sauce from scratch

now today
i was nauseus
i tried with everything
which isnt a lot
i have no one to give
me directions in life
and all advice
how unoften i get it
seems wrong and bent
on making me
more miserable

i drank water
cold cold tapwater
for the first time in...
i cant really recall
and i got nauseus from that too
i guess i needed proteins
id just bought some eggs
thered been nothing at
the grocery store for 2 weeks
i grabbed the last package
hah!

and had some
lingonberry
jam with it
and it calmed
my stomache

so whatever you do
if you take drugs
or drink a lot
or smoke a lot
take care of your stomache
take care of your throat
how else are you gonna
eat real food
once in awhile
or drink normal water
without anything added?

vomiting and nausea
isnt something you
should indulge in a lot
but some do it for sport
to enjoy and to stay thin
but it wrecks the body
im 40 now
my teeth some of them
especially wisdom teeth
are in shambles
since i never
brushed my teeth
like
ever
once in awhile id start
for half a year
but really
i havent brushed them a lot
and i get to pay now
when im 40

so whatever you do
take care of your stomache
take care of your throat
take care of your body
its all you got
soul is important too
but its usually
extreme alcoholics
in self denial
who nag about that
as nietzsche once said
your body is wiser
than your thoughts
take care of it
it wasnt a gift
it was a tradeoff
for you to live a long life
and improve the world
dont ruin your body
take care of it
eat nutriciously
eat proteins
you need them
or you often get self
harm problematics from it
for me
its been usually
throwing things away
or deleting a poem the
second i finished writing it
which id spent hours on
take care of yourself
take care of yourself
take care of yourself